Naked and Profane

One Year, One Month

2008-06-24T15:45:00.003+01:00

It's been a year since you left me. Both of you, only one week apart. I'd never lost anyone that close to me before. And then the news came, unexpectedly. Twice. I cried, I grieved. I had to learn how to breathe again, how to live again. Then, one week later, for an hour or so, I thought my time had come, that I was going to die. And even though now I think that I wasn't in danger, for a moment I believed I was and that was enough.

All that in less than a month. It changed the way I saw the world. It changed the way I felt about the world.

It's been a year and I've been busy living my life.

(I miss you.)

*Iz

For you, My Friend

2007-05-24T23:10:00.000+01:00

We will all do the best we can to grant your last and greatest wish.

I will never forget you. Your memory will always be alive in our hearts.

*Iz

Please Don't Die

2007-05-19T15:20:00.000+01:00

How does it feel? Does it hurt? I don't want you to die, do you want to die? Do you want to let go? Will it be easier, will it ease the pain? Don't leave us, don't leave them, don't leave me. Do you know what's happening? I need to know, need to know how it feels, how much it hurts, if it hurts at all or if it's just tiredness and numbness and memories. Could it be quick and painless? Could you find the peace you deserve?

I will see you tomorrow. I will hold back my tears. And I will smile for you.

*Iz

Better Be Still

2007-05-17T20:21:00.000+01:00

I thought I'd do something. Be there and be helpful. Didn't work, did it?

Oh my. Love's a bitch.

*Iz

Never Mine

2007-03-19T23:30:00.000Z

I guess it was an epiphany of sorts.

The choking feeling, the sudden realization that I cannot hold you captive any longer. That you are no longer mine.

That you were never mine.

I never lost you. I never lost you. I never lost you.

*Iz

Guilt

2007-01-23T02:46:00.000Z

Sometimes when I find myself on her presence, it feels as if nothing has changed. Suddenly I'm ten or eleven again and I don't ever want to grow older because it feels comfortable and I forget why it should feel wrong.

And then I hate myself for allowing it. For being such a fuck up. Because I'll end up seriously hurting someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt. Someone I love more than anyone in this world.

It's consuming me. The guilt is consuming me.

*Iz

Despair

2007-01-23T02:38:00.000Z

It's consuming me. I wish to be bare. Free of any emotions.

I feel like hurting myself.

*Iz

Scars

2006-11-22T23:21:00.000Z

Now I can forget. And now I can move on.

It'll still hurt now and then. Every time I see you, every time you smile at me, every time you touch me. A good kind of pain. The kind that leaves scars you wish to keep.

...I'll always love you, though.

*Iz

Tease

2006-10-05T18:20:00.000+01:00

I think I'm in love and there's hardly anything I can do about it.

...I'm thoroughly and utterly fucked.

*Iz

The Demons That Tempt Me

2006-10-05T17:47:00.000+01:00

Nick: Commitment is dreary. It's not your thing. You have to... dig deeper... Tell me something interesting.

Jenny: I've been doing these really terrible things.

- in The L word

*Iz

Masochist

2006-09-18T00:20:00.000+01:00

Every time I see you, I die a little more inside.

…And I want to change and I want to forget and I want to move on.

But then again, not really.

It’s this wicked masochistic pleasure, I guess. Wanting you and knowing I’ll never have you. Because I couldn’t. Because I wouldn’t. Because I bleed.

Impure.

Every time I see you, I die a little more inside. But it’s okay because it keeps reminding me of all the things that I’m not allowed to do.

*Iz

The End of the Summer

2006-07-27T00:44:00.000+01:00

I try not to smile for too long. I try not to stare. I try not to fantasize.

I try not to be affected.

Maybe I'll be able to forget this foolish feeling when you go away. If you go away. I guess that's the only good thing about the end of the Summer.

It's not love. It can't be love. I wouldn't know how to handle it.

*Iz

Without You

2006-07-06T23:39:00.000+01:00

You are my skin. You are my soul.

I have learned to live with you, to depend on you. I'm not sure I can deal with the loss. In fact, I'm sure I can't.

Loneliness peels my skin and pierces my soul. It hurts; make it stop.

Without you, I'm... dying?

*Iz

Birthday Happiness

2006-07-06T23:29:00.000+01:00

I'd pay any price just to see you as happy as you were last night. Dancing like there was no tomorrow.

Happy birthday, Mum.

*Iz

Trouble

2006-06-18T19:10:00.000+01:00

And then I want more and it breaks my heart.

You're getting me into deep trouble.

*Iz

Fuck up

2006-05-31T22:24:00.000+01:00

How could I even think that I had any kind of chance with you? Why would you even look at me when you can have any pretty boy you want?

Silly me. I'm such a fuck up.

*Iz

Nothing New

2006-04-29T20:13:00.000+01:00

So now everyone is screaming at everyone else. The usual. Nothing new after almost three years.

Am I the only one who realises how fucking ridiculous it is?

And I'm the youngest of all. Go figure.

*Iz

Moving On

2006-04-19T21:37:00.000+01:00

Sweet and innocently pure. Exactly how I remember you.

I'm glad you didn't say goodbye. I'm glad I don't have any sad memories of the moments we spent together. Because thinking about you doesn't make me sad anymore. It only makes me smile, thoughtfully.

Mourning time is over. Now it is time to move on.

Goodbye my girl. My fallen angel.

*Iz

Haunting Presence

2006-04-11T16:59:00.000+01:00

Temperature rising. Hands wandering, searching the most sensitive bits of flesh.

Slight shudders, my body trembling as a reaction to my own touch.

Soft whimpers, low sounds escaping from my lips.

Suddenly, all self-control is lost in a sweet moment of maddening pleasure, as soft whimpers become audible moans. The awaited release of sexual tension finally comes and, as I find myself on the edge of the fine line that separates sanity from madness, I see you.

I see your eyes, staring. The intense gaze I remember from our very first encounter, penetrating my soul as if trying to see through me. I struggle to remind myself that your image is only the result of the tricks my mind keeps playing on me.

I fall asleep, your presence still haunting my room and my soul.

*Iz

A Vow of Silence

2006-04-09T00:23:00.000+01:00

[in a stream of consciousness and slightly paranoid and exaggerated kind of way]

Nobody notices until it’s inevitable. Until I am needed to please them, to serve their purposes.

Then everybody wants to know why. They demand knowing the reason as if they have the right to.

They feel impatient, angry, exasperated. They don’t realise that it is not important why things happen, because it belongs to the past. One should only think about the present and wait patiently for the future. One should never dwell upon the past.

I learn that we shouldn’t ask so many questions. We should never ask a question unless we are completely sure that we are prepared to know the answer.

I learn that the human being has lost the capacity to communicate properly without the use of words. I learn that the human race will never be able to reach an appropriate level of agreement and cooperation. I learn that we have a massive flaw as living beings.

They can’t see beyond their interests. They are unable to understand one’s feelings and reasons. They get angry and hurt.

I learn that meditation is precious and that motivation leads you a step closer to higher self-esteem.

I learn that we should observe each other more often and touch each other more often. I learn that we tend to lose a great deal of information by reducing communication to mere words.

I learn something about myself. I learn that I am too selfish to break my vow in order to help a friend.

I learn that we shouldn’t talk so much. I learn that people probably consider being silent such a difficult task because they worry too much about talking instead of listening.

I learn that self-control is the key to success and that frustration is the key to failure.

I learn that silence brings peace.

*Iz

Friends?

2006-03-25T21:11:00.000Z

Another dream.

We were somewhere near the beach, I think. I'm not really sure. Eveyone was there. My friends. Our friends. You are one of them, after all.

And then you told me you had to go. I don't know where, but it didn't really matter. We were close and you were saying goodbye and I was saying goodbye and suddenly my lips crushed against yours and your tongue found its way into my mouth and just for a second our bodies pressed together in an urgent expression of lust and desire, the curves of your body perfecty fitting my own.

Just for a moment. And then it was over and you were gone.

Strange way to say goodbye to a friend.

*Iz

My Lady of the Flowers

2006-03-20T23:46:00.000Z

I exposed myself to you, even though my cheeks were flushed from the all the embarrassment I was feeling. But I trusted you.

I don't blame you. I miss you, though. I wish I could be with you once more. Because I never really had the chance to say goodbye. And maybe that's the reason I keep holding on.

But I'm taking my time. And now it is time to mourn.

She stole the keys to my house
And then she locked herself out.

*Iz

Ridiculous Insignificance

2006-03-16T20:18:00.000Z

Unbearable pain in my chest. Feeling rage and hatred for sympathy. Only to end up feeling miserable.

It’s more than I can take. The crying, the screaming, the desperation, the anger, the swearwords.

The painful feeling of ridiculous insignificance.

*Iz

Missing Little Teddy Bear

2006-03-06T23:56:00.000Z

I hesitantly pressed my lips against hers. Uncertain at first, but increasingly confident afterwards, she kissed back.

And suddenly, one kiss was not enough.

*Iz

Those wonderful eyes

2006-02-26T16:55:00.000Z

It felt as if it wasn't a dream, your hands right below my waist, your tongue exploring every bit of flesh...

I must be careful. You surely are beautiful, but I mustn't allow myself to be intoxicated by those wonderful eyes of yours.

*Iz

...And Again

2006-02-20T23:28:00.000Z

I dreamed about you last night.

We talked for hours. It felt right and perfect and it made me feel warm inside. And then I had to leave, but I didn't mind, because I knew I was going to see you again. And again, and again, and again.

It was so vivid... and yet so unreal, since you are no longer a part of my life. You turned your back on me a long time ago.

Fuck, I miss you.

*Iz

So...

2006-02-13T23:31:00.001Z

So today I wonder if I should have stayed in bed.

*Iz

Holding On

2006-02-06T19:04:00.000Z

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore.

I keep having these thoughts about people who keep haunting me day after day. I can't help it. I know I should let them go, but I can't, I keep holding on to their memories, hoping that perhaps that will bring them back to my life.

The sad thing is, deep down I know they'll never be back. I'll probably never see them again, and even if I do, it will just revive those memories.

And break my heart each time.

*Iz

Fateful Day

2006-02-05T14:34:00.000Z

Today, I ask you to come to me. To sit beside me and celebrate this fateful day.

Your golden spear is still carved there. You've carved your name on my heart, and now it will be there forever. You'll drain my strength, until you've taken all there is left to take. Until no more blood comes out of the crack. Until I die.

I wonder if you ever think about me.

*Iz

Thinking about you

2006-01-27T21:23:00.000Z

I still think about you, the way you moved, the outline of your body, your fragile figure... Your scent, your shy smile. After all this time, I still think about you.

I wish you happiness.

*Iz

Lucky Dream

2006-01-25T23:41:00.000Z

You came through the window.

(Is that even possible?)

I didn't really want to. I didn't stop you though. Only because I was so damn horny.

But it didn't feel as it should. It was sort of meaningless. And then Mother came and I woke up. Before she entered the room.

Lucky, uh?

*Iz

Sinking

2006-01-14T18:46:00.000Z

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say... I would like to do something with my life, but courage seems to be missing. I'm not daring enough. I'm sinking. And I'll just keep sinking until I reach the lowest level of existence.

Fuck.

*Iz

Excruciating desire

2006-01-13T14:45:00.000Z

"How is it wrong to act on desire, when we are both suffocating from it? When it harms no one... when it's so... fucking... excruciating?"

- in The L Word, 2x04 - Lynch Pin

Foolish Love

2006-01-03T23:19:00.000Z

We think we've got everything under control. We don't ever think that things might turn out to be different than what we expected, that everything might just go wrong.

I was so confident. I felt I could make it work. And I did make it work. Too well, actually.

Things got terribly out of control.

*Iz

Deeper

2005-12-24T18:09:00.000Z

Merry Christmas.

This isn't working. I'll have to reach deeper.

*Iz

Dangerous Thoughts

2005-12-22T18:31:00.000Z

I must hurt myself for what I did was neither right nor pretty.

*Iz

Missing You

2005-12-18T20:52:00.000Z

I'm going to miss you.

We built a whole world together. I have to try really hard to remember my days without you. But holding on wouldn't be fair... Not for you, not for me. Maybe I'm being selfish, but you know I'm hurting too.

Damn. I miss you already.

*Iz

Bad News

2005-12-17T19:59:00.000Z

"There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week
I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything
And the talkin' leads to touchin'
and the touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left

And it's bad news
Baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news..."

- in Portions for Foxes, by Rilo Kiley

Putrid Corpse

2005-12-15T21:05:00.000Z

I can't feel anymore.

Insensitive. Heartless. Cold. Freezing.

Dead. I can smell the putrefaction.

*Iz

Eternal Doubt

2005-11-22T00:12:00.000Z

It feels as if I've gone back in time.

I keep seeing you everywhere. Again. It's hard enough without your body haunting my soul. Why did you have to return?

I think I might have seen you again today, with your loved one. But I'll never know.

*Iz

Predictions

2005-10-10T13:21:00.000+01:00

If you only knew...

You'd probably run, stay away, break contact. Would you want to keep a friendship with that kind of person? Certainly not. That would be predictable.

But what if you surprised me instead? In a good way; a pleasant surprise.

Wouldn't that be just wonderful?

*Iz

From Jenny

2005-09-06T22:52:00.000+01:00

"Tim. For you, my heart... Ripped from my chest. Eviscerated, I am. And if I could, I would plunge my fingers through my chest and rip out my heart and give it to you. A pulpy mass of morbid diathesis.

In addition to my heart, there are some small organs that I want to give you: glands... sweetbreads... variety meats.

I'm offering these gifts. Rare gifts. I know that they don't amount too much in the face of what you've given me.

I've heard these organs can't survive outside the body for more than a few hours. But I'll try to get there as soon as I can. Whatever happens, it will be on me. On my heart."

- in The L Word, by Jenny

[Diathesis (according to Jenny): "Um... it's like a susceptibility to disease. It's like... all those parts of me that are susceptible to invasion."]

*Iz

Till Death Tear Us Apart

2005-08-22T00:58:00.000+01:00

Freezing.

Dead.

All dead.

(Please tell the chicken that I'm really sorry for all this.)

*Iz

Miss Cellophane

2005-07-21T14:29:00.000+01:00

Try seeing through me. I bet it won't be difficult.

*Iz

Placebo

2005-07-14T22:20:00.000+01:00

"Says he's a poet,
This time he's gonna blow it
'Cause he's dancing with his ego...
I took a vow of silence,
When he reads his work to me
I swallow words like a placebo..."

- in Flesh Mechanic, by Placebo

*Iz

Sleeping

2005-07-10T19:08:00.000+01:00

My lover is sleeping in the bedroom. I haven't got the courage to wake him up. He's such a sweet little thing.

*Iz

Be Happy

2005-07-05T13:05:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday Mum.

I know it has been tough for you, but hopefully things will get better.

I wish you a very happy life.

Love You Mum.

*Iz

The L Word

2005-07-05T01:42:00.000+01:00

"Girls in tight dresses
Who drag with moustaches.
Chicks driving fast
Ingenues with long lashes.

Women who long love lust
Women who give.
This is the way
it's the way that we live.

Talking, laughing, loving, breathing
Fighting, fucking, crying, drinking
Writing, winning, losing, cheating
Kissing, thinking, dreaming...

This is the way
it's the way that we live
It's the way that we live
...And Love."

- in The L Word Theme (Season 2), by Betty

*Iz

Love's Embrace

2005-07-05T00:01:00.000+01:00

"You're so far away
And so alone...
You long for Love's embrace
To keep you sane, to make you whole."

- in Endless Sacrifice, by Dream Theater

*Iz

Sly and Evil

2005-07-02T01:11:00.000+01:00

What kind of sick fuck sleeps with his students?

Christ...

She told me to make a drawing for her. And she kept it. She showed it to me when I was a bit older. She still had it.

"See how I kept it? See how much I care about you?"

And now I see. They knew it all. All that sweetness, the way she was desperately trying to be nice to me - it wasn't just for the sake of goodness.

Sly and evil... Rot in hell.

Now I'm truly pissed off. I'm mad. I'm furious.

*Iz

Frustration

2005-06-20T23:34:00.000+01:00

Isn't it utterly frustating spending an entire year preparing yourself for that final moment, and then, in the end, fucking it up? Well I just did that.

Fuck it. I'm tired of hearing all those people who are expecting me to do fine. Well, this time I'm not. I love you all very much, but please... Please shut the fuck up. Just for this once. Please offer me the chance to share my frustation with you. Please don't pretend that you know the end of the story. Because you don't.

Please let me know you're my friends.

*Iz

So Cute

2005-06-20T19:27:00.000+01:00

My baby sister is unbelievably cute. Really.

*Iz

Air

2005-06-16T22:53:00.000+01:00

And suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

I was desperately searching for air to fill my lungs but it seemed like there was none.

Luckily, there was someone who cared for me enough to come and help me. Everyone else must have thought that I was only crying. And one of them... One of them didn't even care. You selfish bastard.

Thank you big bro. I owe you one.

My heart is still beating fast. But, luckily, it is still beating.

*Iz

Keep Walking

2005-06-11T19:49:00.000+01:00

I've just seen you. Ten, fifteen minutes ago.

At first I saw your hair. I didn't realise it right away, but I thought - it looks like her hair. Which came to me as no surprise since I keep seeing (or imagining) this kind of situation. Probably because I expect to see you in every corner.

Then, as I kept walking, I saw him, right in front of you. I just looked, it was a mere coincidence, because I didn't believe it was possible to see you there. It had never happened before, after all. And then, as I looked distractedly, it hit me. It was him. And you.

I didn't have the courage to look back so that I could see you. So I just kept walking.

I've just seen you. Twenty, twenty-five minutes ago. I haven't smiled ever since.

*Iz

Leisha Girl

2005-06-05T22:58:00.000+01:00

"She's kinda freaky,
She's kinda weird...
She's kinda freaky,
But I don't know...

...I think she's a genius."

Loving Little Leisha.

*Iz

For you, my friend

2005-06-05T02:04:00.000+01:00

I know that it may seem like hell. Like life is turning her back on you. But it isn't true, you have to keep fighting. Fight for your happiness, for your dreams. For your life. No matter what, never turn your back on life.

For you, my friend. With love.

*Iz

Up Against the Wall

2005-06-05T01:23:00.000+01:00

Yes, I'm thinking about you. I've spent the last few days thinking about you. Wondering if you could reach me. Laughing at my own stupidity.

And I keep thinking about you. Up against the wall.

*Iz

Make it easy on Yourself

2005-05-24T23:29:00.000+01:00

Don't worry, Candy. He'll come along.

"Don't you know it's all right to be alone?
You can make it on your own..."

- in Candy, by Ash

*Iz

Too much of a Woman

2005-05-23T23:55:00.000+01:00

When he told me that he'd seen you I tried my best to hide my emotions. It was like my heart had been suddenly crushed by this incredible weight. And that incredible weight was you. When I thought that you were gone for good, that you had stopped following me with those huge, confident eyes... Right then, you came along and now I know that you will never go away.

There's only one thought crossing my mind. I want to have you, possess you, in a sweet moment of passion and insanity. I will offer you my body if you wish. I will offer you my soul if you wish, while the moment remains. Let me have you. Or have me instead.

But please don't cross the street right in front of my eyes. You're too much of a woman to do that.

*Iz

Savouring the moment

2005-05-16T21:50:00.000+01:00

Sweet sweet irony.

*Iz

Please Stay

2005-05-12T23:41:00.000+01:00

Do it one more time, share the moment with me again, even if it seems as insignificant as you think it is.

It lights my fire, brings my flame back to life. For a few precious seconds.

Please stay.

*Iz

To the sweetest one

2005-05-12T23:26:00.000+01:00

I wish a happy birthday to the sweetest creature on Earth. I sure love you, little one. Big sloppy kiss to my darling.

*Iz

No Escaping

2005-05-03T22:53:00.000+01:00

"Everytime I look at you, I feel so completely dismantled..."

Today I've realised that you'll forever be a part of me. And though it saddens me, I thank you for everything you made me go through.

*Iz

Nevermind

2005-04-29T14:46:00.000+01:00

"And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind..."

~in Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

*Iz

Moving on

2005-04-23T19:09:00.000+01:00

It was just another dream, wasn't it? But unlike the others, this dream left bruises and wounds that will never heal.

I should have seen it coming. There is no such thing as perfection. Everyone is selfish in their own way. Selfish and ungrateful.

Friendship, I thought. Silly me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you. I couldn't possibly blame you. I could only do that if I weren't as selfish and ungrateful myself. But, guess what? I am.

So, although your haunting presence remains, I will move on. And one day, hopefully, I will be able to live in peace.

*Iz

Pain

2005-04-22T17:38:00.000+01:00

I miss you.

My heart aches. My head hurts.

I miss you terribly.

*Iz

Excuse me, I apologize

2005-04-22T17:02:00.000+01:00

"It seemed to last for hours
It seemed to last for days
This lady of the flowers
and her hypnotic gaze.

She wears her tears on her blouse
confused and racked with self-doubt
she stole the keys to my house
and then she locked herself out..."

- in Lady of the Flowers, by Placebo

*Iz

Strange Deja Vu

2005-04-10T22:09:00.000+01:00

You spend your days following me. No matter where I go, you're always there, watching me, keeping me under control. The funny thing is that I can't see you. But I can feel you, I can feel your presence.

I spend my days following you. No matter where you go, I'm always there, watching you, keeping you under control. But you can't see me. I wonder if you can feel me, I wonder if you can feel my presence.

"I just can't help myself
I'm feeling like I'm going out of my head
Uncanny, strange dejá vu
But I don't mind
I hope to find the truth."

- in Strange Dejá Vu, by Dream Theater

*Iz

Only Lifeguards Can Save Me

2005-04-04T23:04:00.000+01:00

"People in my head that won't stop talking
Nothing in my dream that isn't creepy crawling...

(...)

Nothing on the box that hasn't been born
No one in the street that isn't old...

Driving in the car and I think that I'm crashing
Swimming in the sea and I think I'll...
...You guessed it."

~ in Waiting for the Son of Man, by Placebo

Somebody's Always Watching Me...

2005-03-30T22:15:00.001+01:00

I would have stolen a kiss from you.

I would, but the whole world was watching.

*Iz

Tease Me

2005-03-30T22:10:00.000+01:00

I would have stolen a kiss from you.

I would, if you had teased me.

*Iz

Ignorance is Bliss

2005-03-22T14:25:00.000Z

I did not think you were going to understand, but I did think you were going to try. But after what you have told me...

It hurts, it really hurts.

You brought me to this world, you are part of my family, my blood is your blood. And still... You never knew me well enough.

I am not going to apologize for being what I am. Because I am proud of myself, and even though I know that some people will walk away from me and that very difficult times will come, I will stand up and fight. I will fight for acceptance, for freedom.

I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted to wait for the right time, but now that I actually think about it, maybe that time would never come. But you insisted... And I couldn't lie to you again, could I? So I told you... You cried, I cried. And it's not finished yet, I know it's not. More tears will come.

Maybe things will eventually change. Ignorance is bliss, I know, but now it's done and we can't go back. We'll have to learn how to go through this together.

*Iz

Lake of Blood

2005-03-20T17:35:00.000Z

Some things really hurt, you know.

I'm walking above a lake of blood, the blood that is coming from my bleeding heart.

Your golden spear is still carved there. You've carved your name on my heart, and now it will be there forever. You'll drain my strength, until you've taken all there is left to take. Until no more blood comes out of the crack. Until I die.

See what you've done?

*Iz

Everlasting Presence

2005-03-16T22:09:00.000Z

I am hypnotized by your look, absorved by your presence, drifting away... And suddenly, I've got wings and I'm flying so high that I don't think I want to get back ever again.

Your hands are magical... Make it last forever.

*Iz

The Crawl

2005-03-14T20:52:00.000Z

One thought, one word... And I'm crawling at your feet once again.

*Iz

Torn

2005-03-13T21:58:00.001Z

I want to scream, I want to tear everything apart. I feel like a stranger, an alien in this fucked-up world.

Please save me... You're the only one who can save me, you're the only one who can make me feel again. I want my life to have a meaning. Can you help me?

I'm gonna have to keep the blades away from me tonight, otherwise I might do something I'll regret later.

*Iz

...Wicked

2005-03-09T21:05:00.000Z

"Kiss me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I need help believing
You're with me tonight
My wildest dreams
Could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me"

- by Wicked

*Iz

Little Teddy Bear

2005-03-08T00:09:00.000Z

Hello Little Teddy Bear.

Thank you Little Teddy Bear.

*Iz

Thank You

2005-03-06T22:59:00.000Z

I felt amazingly comfortable with you. The way you let me share your lives... I felt like I've just come across two of the most wonderful human beings on Earth.

Thank you.

*Iz

Butterflies

2005-03-06T22:44:00.001Z

"Right now, I want you once again..."

Your soul is beautiful, and your body... God, I could spend an eternity staring at your body.

I'm feeling those butterflies in my tummy again. It is you?

*Iz

Desire

2005-03-03T23:44:00.000Z

I'm mad. You're making me crazy.

Blind with desire.

*Iz

Idealism

2005-02-28T19:58:00.000Z

"In itself, homosexuality is as limiting as heterosexuality: the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint, or obligation."

~ by Simone de Beauvoir

*Iz

Happy Birthday

2005-02-26T14:36:00.000Z

One year and one day...

It won't be long before you become a beautiful young woman.

*Iz

Little Trick

2005-02-22T22:39:00.000Z

"Hello Death.

Has my time arrived? Did you come to take me?..."

My body reacted faster than my mind, my head was spinning, my heart missed a beat.

One moment... And then it's over, it's gone.

Tears. Silent sobs. But I escaped.

*Iz

Sorry

2005-02-22T22:38:00.000Z

I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about the last one. I didn't mean it like that... Or did I?

*Iz

Remember?

2005-02-22T22:34:00.000Z

Watch me sweating, feel me panting, hear me moaning and begging you to fuck me harder.

And when we're almost there, when we can't take it any more...

...Stop.

I want to see that sweet smile of yours again.

Love you.

*Iz

Who am I?

2005-02-16T21:00:00.000Z

"I'm the world you'll never see
I'm the slave you'll never free
I'm the truth you'll never know
I'm the place you'll never go
I'm the sound you'll never hear
I'm the course you'll never steer
I'm the will you'll not destroy
I'm the gin in the gin-soaked boy
The gin-soaked boy"

- in Gin Soaked Boy, by The Divine Comedy

*Iz

Purity

2005-02-16T20:42:00.000Z

I love the way you smile, it brings that twinkle to your eye.

Virtue and innocence.

Purity.

*Iz

Fallen Angel

2005-02-13T21:53:00.000Z

"Your beauty took my breath away,
In awe all day..."

- in Walking Barefoot, by Ash

Thank you. I had a wonderful time. And you're such a beautiful person, I could look at you forever and you would still look beautiful. Your skin is so soft... But it felt like a sin. Touching you and laughing for you... You're an angel, a fallen angel. Will you smile for me? Will you sing, just for me?

I know what he meant by saying that you're the sweetest thing in the whole world.

*Iz

To you, sweetheart

2005-02-10T22:29:00.000Z

They have no idea of what it's like to be you. You're such a wonderful person, you've got that inner joy that impresses me everytime and fills me with that inevitable warmth... You're a bliss, to all of us; you've got what it takes to be a star. And you'd be a beautiful little star and I'd protect you from harm and I'd smile whenever you'd smile.

You've got that special something and they can't take that away from you, no matter how hard they try. You're not like them, you're different, you're with us now, we're a part of you, I know we are. And I know I must seem crazy and by now everybody must be wondering what the fuck am I talking about and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not making any fucking sense, but to be perfectly honest, I don't give a flying fuck. But I do give a fuck about you, and it's you I'm worried about.

Because I want you to be happy.

Don't let them get to you. You're stronger than that. And whenever you feel that you aren't, whenever you feel that you're sinking and the water's coming in and you're drowning, remember that there's someone who can save you. And you can always count on that someone, no matter what.

You can always count on me.

*Iz

The Beauty Regime

2005-02-09T21:41:00.000Z

Beat stress and rebalance your life
Make those dreams come true
Impress all your colleagues and friends
With the brand new you

So many lives condemned for no need
'Cause people don't buy the right magazine
Take a look in the mirror and see
Exactly how worthless you are

In a rut? Can't get out? Don't know why?
It's time to make that change
Cover up all the pain in your life
With our new product range

So please don't feel blue - let us show you how
To talk yourself into a good mood right now
Feeling sad is no longer allowed
No matter how worthless you are

And if your life depresses you
Just live it through your favourite movie star

Beat stress and rebalance your life
All you need to do
Is forget all the useless advice
And live your life for you

Don't let them sell you impossible dreams
Don't be a slave to the beauty regime
Look again in the mirror and see
Exactly how perfect you are

- in The Beauty Regime, by The Divine Comedy

*Iz

Friendly words

2005-02-04T22:24:00.000Z

There's someone needing a comforting hug and a huge kiss.

This one's for you. It's for you to remember that I'll always be there. And I love you. I really do.

"Smile,
And the whole world smiles with you..."

*Iz

Imagination

2005-01-31T21:09:00.000Z

Never thought that a corn seed could be so enticing and erotic. Well, I guess that everything must have its own sensuality. Even a corn seed. How strange.

And even though it's terribly embarrassing for me to admit it, the situation got me thinking about things I'm sure you don't wish to know about.

And then I looked at you for a second and fell asleep again. You were there, in my dream, eating popcorn and smiling, just for me.

*Iz

Similarities

2005-01-29T11:24:00.000Z

I felt amazingly good among them. Haven't you? I feel that I've finally found people that think like I do, that are the way I am.

I want to meet them again. Will you come with me?

*Iz

Just wondering...

2005-01-25T23:20:00.000Z

I've just realised that some of you will never understand how important you are to me. I will fight for you, I'll do everything I can to keep you with me but I know that you will inevitably walk away from me. None of you will stay. And none of you will ever know that one day you were the flame that kept me alive.

*Iz

Feelings

2005-01-25T23:07:00.000Z

You made me laugh.

That felt good.

*Iz

Don't be scared

2005-01-24T01:18:00.000Z

Have I told you how beautiful you are?

Have I? Well, it's true, you know.

Let me touch you. I want it so bad that it hurts. Let me kiss your neck, lick you skin.

Is there anything wrong? You're trembling...

"Don't be scared..."

They won't hear us, I know they won't. Look at the door, it's closed, I closed it myself. I turned the key in the lock - see? There's nothing to be scared of. I promise.

Let me take off your clothes. Don't worry, it's okay... It's just me, remember?

God, your body... I could spend hours looking at you. Or days, or even years. What about forever?...

You know what? I think that forever wouldn't be enough...

*Iz

Sweet

2005-01-19T22:15:00.000Z

You are the sweetest things on Earth. And I absolutely love you.

*Iz

Curiosity

2005-01-17T21:24:00.000Z

How many real friends do I have around here? Anyone?

Please raise your hands. I wanna see if you dare...

*Iz

Hypocrisy

2005-01-16T18:27:00.000Z

He's here. He has come to spend some time with us. She's gone away for a while, she said she couldn't stand being near him and I totally understand that. She's being so strong, I admire her for that.

It's a quite awkward situation. I don't really know what to say to him. Because in a few hours he'll be gone again.

I wonder if he thinks that being with us once or twice a week will make us forget all we went through. I can almost smell the hypocrisy...

*Iz