Best Wishes

To all the people I love... I wish you all a very happy new year.

Everything that exists eventually comes to an end. I, like so many others before me, will have the same unfortunate fate
and will vanish, like dust in the wind.

I've spent months recording all the relevant thoughts, feelings and events in this insignificant place. But what for? This is as useless as my useless self.

I'm here today to see you for the last time through these eyes. I'm saying goodbye to this part of me. I'm saying goodbye to the spirit and the essence of this log...

*Iz

KO

Fuck you all.

I'm lonely...

*Your goddamn emotional fuckwit, Iz

Break

I want to go back in time. I wish to be with you again in that cozy little hotel room. God, that sounds so cheap, doesn't it? But we both know how marvellous it was. Do you remember the silence? Do you remember the excitement that it brought us?

Why did it have to end?

*Iz

Fighting for Survival

She's devastated.

It's just the both of us now. But we'll make it. Like we always did.

I'm part of it now. There's no escape.

*Iz

Sorrow

He's leaving.

Firstly, he looked at me with that serious expression he usually has when something has gone terribly wrong. And then he told me. He held me tight, talked about how proud he was of me and he talked about how important I was for him. And I had to hold back my tears.

It seemed as if my heart had frozen.

And then she came to me. She told me she had tried. She held my hand and cried while she looked me directly in the eyes. I wanted to let her know everything was going to be all right, but how could I? Inside, my heart was crying as well.

This is a sad day. I'll let time wash my tears, but from this day on, sorrow will always be a part of me.

*Iz

Christmas Spirit

On Christmas, I used to jump excitedly aroud the house. I used to love it. But I'm not a child anymore.

Nowadays, I love Christmas for the sake of little children who jump excitedly around their houses on Christmas Eve. Christmas is for them.

Merry Christmas to all, I love you more than words can possibly say.

*Iz

Yeah

You turn me on.

*Iz

Day dreaming

I slowly sipped my drink at the same time I looked at your table and watched you in your beautiful long dress, smiling and laughing. Your thin and delicate legs got all my attention. I tried to be subtle, but it was impossible for my hungry and lustful look to be unnoticed. While you talked happily with your friends, your dress slowly went up, revealing soft and pale flesh for my eyes to follow and devour. I envied every single person that was near you. They were able to smell that sweet scent of yours, they could stretch their arm and stoke your black hair if they wanted, but I am not part of your world, I've got to hold back, take the position of a mere observer who can't do anything but watch. And suffer.

Butterflies were flying in my stomach, begging me to set them free. A funny feeling started to build itself inbetween my thighs and I felt guilty. I felt guilty for having those sinful thoughts, I felt guilty for wanting to kiss you hard and passionately. Actually, I felt guilty for wanting much more than just a single kiss.

I sighed, disappointed for not being able to touch your beauty, to breathe it in. I put a few coins on the table, got up and walked towards the door. I looked back one more time, hoping to see you once again, but you were no longer there. In fact, when I actually thought about it carefully, you never were really there.

It was just another dream, wasn't it? I never grow tired of those...

*Iz

Submission

"Sink into warm flesh
I want to taste your skin
Want to see you undressed
And see you shake your thing
You're bound and helpless
And burning from within
There for the taking
I want to hear you sing"

~Ash

*Iz

Lust

Flickering tongues, nibbling kisses...

God, you're breathing so hard and you're sweating all over... You're enjoying it, aren't you? I can tell it by your look...

Will you let me spend the night with you?

*Iz

Farewell Line

It hurts.

How could you do that? Right in front of my eyes...

You ignored me. You stabbed me. Silently.

Can't you look me in the eyes anymore? Do you know how special you were to me? You probably didn't notice it, but you you were the one who introduced me to this word. I feel so grateful for that, and yet so offended by your indifference.

And you are so damn beautiful... I'm actually embarassed of admitting it, but you really are.

Was that your subtle and last farewell line?

I won't fight anymore. I won't struggle. If that is your wish, you will have it granted.

Goodbye.

*Iz

Star Gazing

Close your eyes. Come on, no peeking!...

Now, concentrate on your feelings, and only on your feelings... Let yourself go...

Can you feel me now? Can you feel my lips brushing against yours? Can you feel my tender kiss? Can you feel my warmness invading you?

Feel my hands now... Feel my body, follow my movements... Don't look back, just let yourself go with the flow.

It's wonderful, isn't it? It feels as if we're both dancing with the stars...

*Iz

Groupie's mind

Fuck him senseless, you know?!

*Iz

Muses

I feel like screaming, I feel like destroying everything and tearing all apart.

It feels as if it's all gone. I'm trying to seize it again, but it's escaping from my fingers; it's still touching my fingertips, but I know it will all be gone soon.

Why are you leaving me? Did I treat you badly? Did I use you wrongly?

You never were that good for me, but I was never ungrateful. I took all the chances you offered me. And now you're setting yourself free...

Each one of you has got a special gift, and that only makes me proud. But that's useless now, isn't it?

Don't go... But it's too late now, you're already gone.



Wait, I can see you in the distance! My Muses!...

*Iz

Summer's Gone

"Sing for your lover like blood from a stone
And sing for your lover who's waiting at home
If you sing when you're high and you're dry as a bone
Then you must realise that you're never alone
And you'll sing with the dead, instead..."

- in Summer's Gone, by Placebo

God bless you all.

*Iz

Closet Case

I'm coming out...

Sick and tired of being hidden in this fucking closet.

I'm not going to lie to myself. I'm not going to tell you that I don't care about people's opinion, because I do care.
But I think it's worth the risk. For me, and for all the closet cases in this world.

This is so hylarious... It seems as if it's the end of the world.
It will not be the end of the world, but it will hurt.
It will be a tough change.

I'm coming out to the world... Soon.

*Iz

War

They're being controlled by the power.
They're being controlled by the system.
They'll never be themselves.
They'll never hold the reason.

But they'll win the battle.

Fuck them. They will never win the war.
As long as we live.

But how long will we last?
Will we be fighting forever?

We will. Fighting for our freedom.

*Iz