To all the bleeding hearts...
I'm certain that you've all felt miserable for at least a moment of your existence. I'm sure you've all felt that sorrow that invades your heart, that makes it hurt inside your chest. I'm not talking about the usual sadness you feel when you realise you haven't got a chance with the person you fancy or when you're in a party in which you hardly know anyone and you feel like an outsider. That kind of sadness is inevitable, we all feel it once in a while. I'm talking about the angst that freezes your heart and your soul and makes you believe you can never be happy again. I'm talking about those days when a single moment makes you wonder if life is really worth living.
I'm sure that every one of you is unique, I'm sure that you won't all react the same way. But you probably feel like hiding from the world, go and sit on you quiet little corner where you can only hope that the feeling will vanish and where you silently pray to an inexistent God. Eventually, it comes to your mind that it would be quite nice if someone noticed you were in such a state. It would be quite nice if someone actually cared.
However, when someone finally does notice, you claim that everything is all right, that you couldn't be better. But it is needless to say that anyone who can think will come to the conclusion that your not all right - at all. And you finally give in, because after all it feels so good to know that there is someone listening to you, wanting to hear what you have to say. So you just spit it out. All at once. You confess your deepest feelings, your darkest memories. And when you are finished, you are expecting some words of sympathy from your companion, you are expecting some kind of comfort.
But isn't it just utterly fucked up when that someone, who seemed so much of a friend minutes ago, tells you that it's sad, really sad, but there is nothing he or she can do about it?
For fuck's sake, I'm not expecting people to come into my life to lift this weight off my back and to make me feel good and happy and loved like I once was. I just want someone that can hug me tightly and whisper at my ear, telling me that everything was going to be all right. Even if we both know that it isn't going to be all right. I just want this person to tell me that I shouldn't feel ashamed of myself and my own feelings, that it is okay for me to feel like this.
Where is this miysterious saviour who can keep me alive? The one who can make me realise that giving up is not a possibility?
Because one day, I might...
*Iz
